Three Years: Lessons Learned and Learning

Sunday was the three year anniversary of my surgery.  Here is what I know:

*  Having weight loss surgery was and is still today the best decision I have ever made for myself and my health.

*  Having weight loss surgery is not a miracle cure for the disease of obesity.

*  Having weight loss surgery is not the best choice for everyone, but it is for me.

*  You can still gain weight after weight loss surgery.

*  You can still lose weight after gaining weight after weight loss surgery.

*  I will live with this disease for the rest of my life.  But it does not define my life.

*  Sugar free cherry jello does not taste anything like Doritos. 

*  Doritos don't taste that great compared to how I felt when I bought my first pair of Gap jeans. 

*  Dating doesn't get any easier when you weigh less.  If anything, it kind of gets a bit more confusing.

*  Losing weight does not solve every problem I have in life, nor does it make life any easier to live.

So, three years ago, I made the decision to take control of my life.  I prepared, I researched, I studied up.  I listened to the advice of a great team of doctors and professionals.  I drank nothing but liquids for three weeks.  I exercised. I ran in public for the first time in my life. I gave up diet coke, fast food, cigarettes, bread, cake, chips and feeling sorry for myself.  I twirled in dressing rooms, in the smallest sizes I had ever worn.  I celebrated.  I fell in love. 

The last year or so has been challenging.  My professional life has taken a few turns that haven't been great or anticipated.  My personal life can best be described as a roller coaster. I turned 40. I started smoking again.  I stopped exercising.  I put the cute dresses in the back of the closet so I wasn't reminded of my failure.  I bought bigger sizes. I spent a lot more time than I should have with the wrong person just because he didn't challenge me to change.  I figured out how to get around my restrictive pouch, and I've put on about 30 pounds. 

So, a week ago, I made the decision to take control of my life.  Again.  I completed the five day pouch test.  Two days of liquids, two days of mushy protein, one day of soft protein. I have definitely noticed that the restrictive nature of my pouch has returned.  I have recommitted to eating in the manner that my wonderful team of doctors, nutritionists, trainers and therapists recommend:  protein first, liquids all day, simple carbs only and no snacking.  I threw out the half pack of smokes I keep for 'emergencies' and put on the nicotine patch.  I've started working with a trainer.  I'm working the program, as they say in so many smoke filled church hall basement meetings. 

I don't know if I will get to where I want to go.  I don't know if that is as important as getting back to the place where I feel in control and confident that I am living the best life I can.  I have this one body, and I can take care of it.  It may never be perfect, and this three year journey may never be complete.  But I'm back on the road.  And that is good enough for now.