Turn Around Time

So, I spent some time last night re-reading all of the blog posts here at Banana Pouch, starting with the very first one I posted the day I got the date for bariatric surgery. I looked at the pictures, still wondering if I really have lost all the weight that I have. As I read, I remembered being on the roller coaster of emotions before surgery, the planning, the hell of the two week liquid diet. I read about how I felt the first day I went back to the gym; how tired I got just walking the track a couple of times but also how great I felt just walking the track a couple of times. I remembered cleaning out my car, and being amazed at the lack of fast food bags, 32 oz. go cups of Diet Coke, empty cigarette packs, and crumpled bags of potato chips. I remembered how fantastic it felt when I walked into that dressing room at Old Navy and tried on those size 18 jeans and they were too big. I remembered the first time that someone said to me, "You look great! Are you losing weight?"

I needed to remind myself of all of these milestones for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that for the past 2 1/2 months or so, I haven't been following my plan very well at all. I started smoking again; of course, at first it was just at parties or out with friends. But, as it always does, it soon became a regular habit again and I found myself spending a lot of time sitting on the couch, lighting up again and again. I started feeling that familiar tightness in my chest when I tried to exercise so...I stopped exercising. And so the pattern began again. Wake up, smoke. Drive to work, smoke. Lunch break, smoke. Drive home, smoke. Couch and tv, smoke.

Now here is the good and bad thing: I am still losing weight. Good because, well, I'm still losing weight. The restrictive nature of my surgery is going to make me lose weight one way or another. Bad because, well, I'm still losing weight but I was not choosing to lead a healthy lifestyle. I felt the control that I had worked so hard to obtain start to slip away, and it was not a good feeling.

So, turn around time. I put the cigarettes down on Saturday. I picked my running shoes up again on Monday. I've started going to the gym in the morning before work so I don't have any excuses to not go after work. I DO NOT enjoy getting up at 5:30 but I hate it a whole lot less than going back to who I was before July 22, 2010.

I started slowly Monday, just walking. I was very afraid that after so much time away from exercise, I would be back where I was in July: in pain, out of breath, hardly able to do anything. But you know, our bodies are the damndest things. This morning, not only did I walk but I RAN. Not the entire two miles but a good portion of it; I would walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap. I did two miles in 24 minutes. And I didn't feel like I was going to die. My body, despite not showing it much love over the past 80 days or so, got me through. It's an amazing thing.

So, it's turn around time. This are the things I am committing to do, and I'm putting them out there so I feel that I am accountable:

1. No smoking. Ever. I've learned I am not the kind of smoker that can have a couple at a party or a bar, and then not smoke again for three months. I'm the kind of smoker who has a couple at a party, and then buys a pack on the way home from the party. So, I am committed to no more cigarettes.

2. Find a way to get some kind of exercise in every day. Now, this may seem overly-ambitious, especially considering the lifestyle and amount of stress I tend to carry. However, I think it is feasible. Exercise doesn't have to be an hour at the gym. It can be a walk on my lunch hour, or a yoga video at home, or a quick walk around my neighborhood. I will try to get to the gym every morning, but if I can't, I am committed to finding an alternative exercise option.

3. Track my food, exercise and water intake everyday. I've started utilizing the Livestrong.com site for this, and it is fantastic. I really do recommend it for anyone who wants to pay more attention to what they are eating and how much they are moving. The site features a huge database of foods with complete nutritional information, including protein, fat, carbs and sodium. Plus, bonus, it's completely free. For those Weight Watcher veterans out there, it is very similar to the Weight Watchers Online site. Tracking my food intake has made a dramatic difference in what I choose to eat, and I'm committed to continuing to record the food I eat.

4. Make a six month follow up appointment with Dr. Hoehn. Some of you may have noticed that I've not reported the results of my six month follow up appointment with Dr. Hoehn. Well, that's because I haven't had it yet. The lab I went to lost my samples, so I've needed to make another appointment to have the labs redrawn. Now, I could blame it on Lab Corp or schedules or the universe but the truth is that I haven't been all too excited to get those results back this time around nor to see Dr. Hoehn. I know that the smoking combined with the decrease in physical activity has probably had an effect on my both my cholesterol and blood pressure. But, it's time to face the music. I am committed to making an appointment with my doctor today, and following up with him within the next month.

So, there you are. Some of you may be disappointed in me, but that's okay. Choosing to have surgery to lose weight is a decision that I will always be proud of, but it is not a pass to go back to the lifestyle I was leading prior to July 22, 2010. Thin, no matter who you are, doesn't mean anything if you aren't leading a healthy lifestyle. That, above all else, is what I am committed to.