Banana Pouch
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Three Years: Lessons Learned and Learning
* Having weight loss surgery was and is still today the best decision I have ever made for myself and my health.
* Having weight loss surgery is not a miracle cure for the disease of obesity.
* Having weight loss surgery is not the best choice for everyone, but it is for me.
* You can still gain weight after weight loss surgery.
* You can still lose weight after gaining weight after weight loss surgery.
* I will live with this disease for the rest of my life. But it does not define my life.
* Sugar free cherry jello does not taste anything like Doritos.
* Doritos don't taste that great compared to how I felt when I bought my first pair of Gap jeans.
* Dating doesn't get any easier when you weigh less. If anything, it kind of gets a bit more confusing.
* Losing weight does not solve every problem I have in life, nor does it make life any easier to live.
So, three years ago, I made the decision to take control of my life. I prepared, I researched, I studied up. I listened to the advice of a great team of doctors and professionals. I drank nothing but liquids for three weeks. I exercised. I ran in public for the first time in my life. I gave up diet coke, fast food, cigarettes, bread, cake, chips and feeling sorry for myself. I twirled in dressing rooms, in the smallest sizes I had ever worn. I celebrated. I fell in love.
The last year or so has been challenging. My professional life has taken a few turns that haven't been great or anticipated. My personal life can best be described as a roller coaster. I turned 40. I started smoking again. I stopped exercising. I put the cute dresses in the back of the closet so I wasn't reminded of my failure. I bought bigger sizes. I spent a lot more time than I should have with the wrong person just because he didn't challenge me to change. I figured out how to get around my restrictive pouch, and I've put on about 30 pounds.
So, a week ago, I made the decision to take control of my life. Again. I completed the five day pouch test. Two days of liquids, two days of mushy protein, one day of soft protein. I have definitely noticed that the restrictive nature of my pouch has returned. I have recommitted to eating in the manner that my wonderful team of doctors, nutritionists, trainers and therapists recommend: protein first, liquids all day, simple carbs only and no snacking. I threw out the half pack of smokes I keep for 'emergencies' and put on the nicotine patch. I've started working with a trainer. I'm working the program, as they say in so many smoke filled church hall basement meetings.
I don't know if I will get to where I want to go. I don't know if that is as important as getting back to the place where I feel in control and confident that I am living the best life I can. I have this one body, and I can take care of it. It may never be perfect, and this three year journey may never be complete. But I'm back on the road. And that is good enough for now.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Happy Pouch-iversary!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Progress Pics
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
A Funny Thing Happened at the Tapas Bar
I headed down with a book of short stories a friend recently gave me, the plan being to have a couple of glasses of sangria and a couple of small bites while enjoying my book. I settled in at the bar, got my drink, opened my book, and started to read. The bartender was very funny, and in a great mood; he had just gotten married so he was all about sharing the love.
A few minutes later, a guy sat down next to me at the bar. I kept reading. He asked me what I was reading. I told him. We chatted a bit; I went back to my book. A few minutes later, he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me a question about something I can't recall. We chatted a bit; I went back to my book. This went on for about 20 minutes; he'd ask me a question, I'd answer, go back to my book.
Then, he excused himself to the restroom. As soon as he turned the corner, the funny, sharing the love bartender practically jumped across the bar and said, "What the hell is that book about??? My boy here is throwing his best stuff at you, and you keep waving him on and going back to that book!"
I looked up, startled, and said, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"This guy is trying everything short of serenading you," says the bartender. "And you keep sticking your nose in that book! What the hell is it about?"
Turns out, the cute, funny, interesting architect/furniture designer/bartender sitting next to me had been hitting on me for about 30 minutes and I had absolutely no idea. None whatsoever. I was completely clueless. I've never been one to get a lot of attention sitting at a bar; I'm not trying to be maudlin or sympathy seeking. The reality of the world is what it is. So, when a lad sits next to me at a bar and asks me what I'm reading, my natural assumption is that he just wants to know what I'm reading. My head just doesn't go to the "Okay, he's totally hitting on me," assumption.
This is the toughest part of this process. I've worked really hard to change my body; I work out, I am ridiculously careful about what I eat, and I drink more water than a fish. Changing my mind and the way I think and feel about myself is infinitely, truly more difficult than any lap I've run, weight I've lifted or machine I've worked.
But, I'm going to keep reminding myself that it doesn't really matter how the rest of the world sees me. In truth, I guess it never really has. What matters is how I see myself.
Monday, April 11, 2011
And the rock rolls down the hill...finally!
I've also had my 6 (well, turned out to be 7) month follow up visit with my surgeon. My labs were fantastic. My cholesterol is actually low: 122, down from 139 last visit, which was down from 193 pre-surgery. Blood pressure was 117/68. All other vitals were normal. Normal. Hee.
Some other statistics:
* I am wearing jeans 10 sizes smaller than I was wearing 8 months ago, tops 9 sizes smaller, and I've gone down 8 band sizes and 2 cups sizes in bras. I'm even wearing smaller sized shoes.
* I exercise nearly everyday. I alternate cardio and strength training. On cardio days, I walk 2 miles, and complete 1 mile on the elliptical. I had been running (!) but my knee started hurting so I've backed off...for now. On the days when I can't because of scheduling or choose not to go to the gym, I work exercise in some other way. For example, yesterday I spent most of the day outside moving and painting deck furniture, cleaning, planting herbs and flowers, and walking. I've put a lot of pictures of myself on this blog and in most of them, I look pretty cute: hair done, makeup, and usually, a new outfit. I thought this picture would be a welcome, realistic addition to the Banana Pouch: this is what I really look like, after working out, at 6 a.m. Yes, that is sweat on my forehead at 6 a.m. Yes, it's still dark out.
* I haven't had a Diet Coke (or any soda) in 8 months.
* While I would love to say that I haven't smoked in 8 months, we all know that isn't true. BUT, I can say I haven't smoked in nearly a month.
To celebrate and mark the occasion of losing 100 pounds, I'm going to do a couple of things. First, of course, is the second part of my tattoo. I've decided to switch it up a bit; I'm not adding to the first one on my chest. Instead, I'm going to have the second word, Courage, placed in a location to be named later. I shall keep you posted.
Also, I'm going to organize a food drive with the goal being to donate 100 pounds of food to a local non profit that serves people who are homeless or otherwise in need. I'm still figuring out the details of how it will work, but I like the idea of donating food to people who don't have enough to eat to commemorate the accomplishment of learning to eat less.
As in past progress posts, I've done a little research on things that weigh what I have lost. My Aunt Donna really enjoys these, so for her, a List of Things that Weigh 100 Pounds:
* A Burpee Big Maxx Pumpkin, 70' diameter
* An adult male deer
* A 2 month old horse
* A Rotax aviation engine. Like for a plane. Seriously.
* A Hawkbill sea tortoise
I've learned a lot over the past eight months, and not all of it has been fun. I've worked hard, made my share of mistakes, but I wouldn't trade this journey for anything. Thanks for coming along with me, everyone. Stay tuned; this is just the beginning!